Ups and Downs/Highs and Lows

A lot emotionally has happened to me since my last post. My Ferrier (a person who shoes and trims horse hooves) came out last Friday, it was time for the girls to have their mannies and peddies - lol.

We were talking about horses, how I want to have a business or do something with horses, that sort of thing. Well, he has a lot of knowledge about horses and making a living off of horses and basically was saying, "you can't make any money off of horses". He is a realist. I was sharing about wanting to work with horses and kids as well, "you would have to have a HUGE insurance policy". Again, reality. So, another pitch, "I would like to rescue horses" - I am trying every angle here! "Once you start rescuing horses, everyone will know that you do that and you will end up having too many horses and they will need to be rescued". Stinking drought, hay prices, feed prices, trying to make money off of horses when people are just turning horses loose on the streets.

People can't make ends meet and with so many horses out there it is hard to do anything with them at this time. So the words rolling around in my head are, "Can't he just see I want to do something with horses???"

Ok, so reality in my face. In talking with Albert about this, him being a realist as well, he is agreeing with the Ferrier. So, emotion city happens. "It's not fair, I want to have a dream, why can't I just do something that I finally want to do in life." You know, my own little pity party was happening.

It's like as a woman you raise your children, you keep your household going, you contribute to the family, your marriage, all these things, but when is it that I just get to have a dream and have the freedom to live out my dream. See, I told you, a nice pity party was full on happening!

Ok, so as my pit party is keeping me emotional throughout the weekend, we go to church on Sunday. Ah, my Pastor, what does he have to say about dreams and goals and such? In the book of Nehemiah we see the vision, God's vision. A wall that had been destroyed and not fixed for over 90 years and God has Nehemiah go and fix it - in 52 days the wall is rebuilt - he had this dream - people told him it couldn't be done and yet - God through Nehemiah did it!

Ah, the dream can come back now. Not that I ignore reality, but I can see through the fog and get back to my dream, my journey.

One thing that Pastor Sal said that I just kept running through my head was, "when we are faithful with the little things, then we will be rewarded with bigger things". Well, that is true, look at Nehemiah, he went from the King's cup bearer to the Governor with a new rebuilt wall and everything.

So yesterday driving into work it hits me (well, God hit me upside the head). I am not my own, I was bought with a price, I have no rights. Lay down your rights - yes, Lord. Seek me - yes, Lord. You said you wanted a year to figure out what the rest of your life is going to look like and it is only the end of March - yes, Lord.

So as reality meets dreaming here is what I have come up with - nothing is impossible with God! He owns a 1000 cattle on the hill! If I am faithful with what He has given to me now, there is no telling what the rest of the year will look like. Why am I focusing on the negative and not the blessings He has already given me?

He will either redirect my heart and my dream or He will bring it to completion!

Me, I am a dreamer. I live in a world of reality that I have to deal with, but I know God's ways are not always man's ways.

So once again, I am on my journey to see what this year will bring. I am done with my pity party (at least this one - lol) and will continue on - to fight the good fight - to be faithful with what He has given to me - to continue on this journey until He shows me something different.

Oh, and my foot is still swollen, can only wear one pair of shoes right now. It is also a pretty color of purple and pink. :) It's all good!

Thank you for being on this journey with me and for allowing me to share my ups and downs and highs and lows. Stacy

Be careful what you pray for!

Well, as you all know I am in the middle of my journey to find out what the "rest" of my life has for me. Well, lately I have felt very overwhelmed! So many things happening at work, a child moving back home (which is a praise report!) and rain (which is a blessing) causing grass and weeds to grow. All the while, trying to work with the horses, running 2 fundraisers at the same time at work, plus running the education department, plus everything else I do at work! As well as trying to keep up with the house and property! Oh, did I say I was feeling overwhelmed??? Ah, yes I am!

Ok, so here goes the "Be careful of what you pray for part". I have been praying on how to slow down - where to cut back - what can I let go of - how can I spend more time in prayer and just "being still and knowing God".

So, yesterday we had to take one of the horses to the vet, she wasn't eating normally and believe me - she EATS. Tressa and I loaded her up in the trailer in only 20 minutes, so thought it would take longer as she has only been off the property 2 times before this trip. Feeling pretty good about loading her and while I was closing the bar to secure her in the trailer I got my left pinky finger caught in the bar so now have 2 beautiful blood blisters. A little hard to type - who knew I needed my left pinky finger that much.

So, Albert gets home from work and he decides he will go with me. This is good because I have never driven the horse trailer before. So we get there and she is freaking out, shaking from the trip over there and very sweaty. I go to let her out and she almost runs over me, but the main point to this part is that she steps on my foot. So happy I was wearing boots! Then we go to where the exam is going to take place and she won't go into the room. Have to have help with that. Thank you vet techs! She finally receives some drugs to help calm her and we get to look into her mouth. Horses mouths are strange and beautiful. Crazy looking teeth and as you are looking at them you wonder why God created them that way. Well, of course He made them that way, so that they can chew their food very well - because they can colic way too easily.

Ok, so we try to get her back into the trailer, ah, more drugs please! Anyway, we had a hard time (worse than when Tressa and I put her in), Albert who was still in his work clothes got step on, so glad his toes are still there. Had to have 2 vet techs help us, she is crazy, can you say more drugs, please! So one of the vet techs has this idea to back up the trailer to a spot where she basically had to go into the trailer, so we did that (ah, so glad Albert joined us - me backing up a trailer - I think not).

Ok, all is well - ah NOT! We get home and she starts FREAKING out! I thought she was going to knock the trailer over! She saw the other horses and HAD to go to them! We got her out, Tressa helped and then all was well ------------- until I took off my boot!

Can we say pretty purple and pink colors! GREAT! My foot is so swollen I can hardly walk!

Albert was so sweet and fed the horses and mucked stalls for me the next morning (today). I hobbled into work - so glad I found a shoe that fit. I had to ice my foot - I HATE icing! My co-worker even brought me a bag of ice at work - they were all so sweet to me.

So, now I am thinking, ok, I am going to have to cut back - have to slow down - have to figure out how to do that, but basically I was just hobbling around work and that only made me slower, not have to do less.

Needless to say, my 2 fundraisers are over in the next week. Although April is full, May won't be as bad and basically through all of this I have found the one thing that I want more than anything else is to have time with my horses! Train them! Ride! Learn to ride better! Ah, did I say that I love horses! Yes, I do!!!

Hmmmmmmmm, when I started writing this I didn't think it would end this way. Even though yesterday was crazy and I HURT I wouldn't change a thing!! I love those horses!!

And just wait until Albert hears about how I want to rescue horses! Just read an article in my Horse and Rider magazine! Man, too many horses out there are in such bad shape!

Wonder if God will give us more land so I can save some horses - ah - stay tuned! Stacy

Interesting Week

Well, all I can say is that it has been a very interesting and crazy week. I am not sure how this all fits into my journey, but I do know God is amazing!

We helped Tressa move back home on Saturday, so that was good!

On Tuesday we were able to get tickets to the rodeo (got to see Miranda Lambert) - you know I want to go to the rodeo as much as I can! Albert, Tim, Lorene (his friend), Tressa, Paige (her friend) and I were able to score suite seats - it was a blast! The night before we picked up the tickets from friends while having dinner at Lupe Tortillas (one of my favorites), while there I started talking with the waitress (yes, Fonda and Robin - I know you are shocked - lol), well one thing led to the other and I invited her - so we saw her there as well - she is such a cutie!

Wednesday I was questioning everything (probably because I was tired from the weekend and the rode0) about my life - if where I worked was where I should be, if I needed to do something different - what all was going on - anyway - after some sleep, I was much better - lol - crazy how things become when you are sleep deprived!

Today, Friday, was mowing day, so Albert and I started to mow while Tressa left for work, well, as I was mowing I saw her walking down the street - ah - her car just stopped!

So Albert and I went down there to her car and let her take one of our cars to work. I love towing insurance on cars - I must say - I have been able to use it enough to justify it! So, we got a tow truck out there and we will see what is up with her car.

I am sure that I am working towards the right path - I feel it! Not sure how long that will include working at the Center - but maybe a bit more! Have to make sure Albert and I are able to build that round pen and start working those horses - so I know that I will be at the Center for the rest of this year and maybe 2013 as well.

Tressa will be with us at least until August (maybe July) then at that point she will be going away to college - something that makes me so happy and proud! I am very excited that she has come to this choice!

Please keep us in your prayers! I really feel the support!!!

Step 1

In moving forward in my journey, I joined APHA (American Paint Horse Association) today. I have a registered Paint and need to get paperwork to show that she actually belongs to me now. So, joining was "step one".

Albert and I are also going to go to McCoy's tomorrow to buy the rest of the items that we need to build a round pen. So, that will be "step two" - of course that step won't be complete until it is built, but with the cooler weather that we are having, it will happen sooner than later.

I have a nice spot picked out on the back of the property for the round pen. I want it to be easy to get to, but not in the direct view of my neighbors or when sitting on my back porch.

Albert and I are also going to build a wash rack. We already have water that is easily accessed and cement poured for it, just need to create a way to keep the horses there while they are being washed. They don't always like this process.

I have a friend who owns a registered Paint Stallion, "step three" will be having Baby and Tejas artificially inseminated (AI). I wanted to have Princess done as well, but her "horse" age is 68 and I just can't do that to a 68 year old! LOL - I would not want to be pregnant at that age!!

I think I also need to go down the street (well, longer than just a street) and see if I can volunteer for the SPCA. They have their horses out there and it would be good to be around more horses and learn more about them and how to help them transition from being wounded to a state of healing.

I will also be looking into riding lessons, so need to keep my eyes open to see where I can do that. I know I can at our local Jr College, but I think I want to have someone train me instead. I do believe it will be more cost effective this way.

So I will be blogging and probably posting pictures for the next steps that have to take place.

Not sure what all this means, but these are the steps I know I am to take - no matter what happens in my life in 2013. Meaning do I still work for the Center? Do I start a new ministry? Do I jump into the world of volunteering? Do I go back to school so that I can learn how to counsel abused children? Ah, just waiting around for the Lord and taking it step by step!

It is nice to see some of the process unfold right before my eyes! Stacy

Waiting

Let's just say with my personality it is hard to wait on what I see I want to do and what needs to be done. I can see puzzle pieces being put together in my life, I just don't know what they all mean as of yet.

I was praying on the way into work earlier this week and just asking the Lord to show me if working at the Center is something that I need to be doing - if I am making a difference. I was asking Him to show me on that day - well, He did! It was so amazing!! I was given a birthday card where the staff signed it and it just made me cry with all the wonderful things that were written on that card. God just always amazes me in what He is doing and where He is working and I am just so blessed to be a part of that.

I also know that I can keep moving forward this year at the Center even though the drive can get to me on some days. I can push through that because I see Him at work there and what He is doing in the lives of the clients, staff and volunteers.

I have also come to realize that what ever my next step is it involves those who are abused. Whether that means animals, people (children) or both. I know this is the path He has me on.

I truly need to write out all that God has shown me and formulate some sort of a plan from that. For some reason I am not getting around to that and usually that is so much fun for me to do. Hmmmmm wonder what that means.

Well, as I end this blog post I must say once again, waiting is very hard for me to do, but I will wait - will wait to see what doors the Lord opens and what doors He closes. He has a plan and it is going to be truly wonderful!

Waiting, waiting waiting - that is what I will be doing as I plug away at other goals He has given to me for this year.

Monday

Well, it has been an interesting couple of days. So many thoughts running around in my head. Things of what I would love to do, things that are more realistic, and things that just make me tired and want to take a nap.

Albert and I had dinner on Friday night at the Goode's. So the table conversation turned into a deep subject, "what is your passion". So, all of us had to answer that question. At first I couldn't really put my finger on what to say and I was feeling pressure to answer the question because we made all the men go first. Turns out I feel my passion is to help others. To come alongside of them and make sure they know how special they are and how great the love of God is. I also want to help animals, those that are broken due to neglect and/or abuse.

Then, Sunday at church, the Pastor was talking about chapter 2 and 3 in Nehemiah. Well, in these 2 chapters we are finding out that the King is allowing Nehemiah to go and build the wall, that most of the people are excited about it and that some people are, well, just not excited about it at all.

The wall represents safety, security, and how others view the power of God. It was very important to Nehemiah that the wall be rebuilt and to most of the Jews as well.

The Pastor made a point in saying that if we think are doing the work of the Lord and everyone is approving of that or that there isn't any opposition, then maybe we need to make sure we are truly doing His work. Let's just say this - the enemy wants to foil any plans that we have that include Kingdom building and praising God.

Ok, so putting this all together - oh, another important fact that I have learned is about planning - how I need a vision, a mission and a plan. Something that moves me forward - ok - now putting it all together!

Do I want a Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goal (BHAG) of starting my own ministry, seeing how to come up with more land, looking into a future with many horses and children who need love and care? OR do I look in another direction, a direction that still calls for a lot of faith, one that is more like I no longer work but instead volunteer with 2 different ministries/agencies?

Is there something in between those 2 ideas? Is this even the path that God wants me to be on? What is my first step?

Well, I am actually already taking a first step - Albert and I are getting our finances in order - so that is step one.

I am actually putting down on paper all the things I need to do before I can even start "saving" horses.

I do want to have a horse business of some sort as well. I have 2 stalls that I want to rent out - do you know of anyone that needs a horse stall??

And oh, at some time this year I will be taking horseback riding lessons as well. I do know how to ride, but I don't really know how to ride.

I also want to work with the horses and train them. Albert and I will also be building a round pen in the next couple of months. Need to start that before it becomes too hot.

It would appear that I am confused about my journey, my path, but as I am writing this it just feels good to be thinking in a direction, looking down a road that I want to travel.

I know as I write more, plan more, pray more it will all come into focus and the Lord will open His floodgates and more things will become clear. And I also know that my God owns the 1000 cattle on the hill and if He wants us to have more land, He will do it - no worries, we have a great and mighty God!

Thanks again for following me! Question? What is your passion and what does your journey look like? Ah the tables have turned - lol!! Stacy

A Long Week

This week has felt very long to me. After getting home from NY and then trying to get back into my routine, I am just feeling tired. Although I have been to a couple of websites that I feel are part of my journey, I am not sure how I am feeling after reading about what they have done and if this is my journey as well or if mine is a bit different (I am thinking a bit different).

I sort of feel like I have stalled a bit, not sure which direction to go at this moment. I also think I feel this way because I was asked a question that started me thinking....

"If you could have your ultimate dream life where money didn't matter, what would that life look like?"

I know dreaming and goals are very important, but I don't think this was a good question for me to ponder on. I am better at walking through the doors that God has opened and then reflecting back on what He has done and how He has blessed my family and myself.

It is too easy for me to get caught up in the clouds of dreams that aren't somewhat realistic - I can become depressed and upset because of what I don't have instead of grateful over what I do have!

So, I need to shake this off and get back into my search for what my journey is, get back into reading the "Art of War" and asking God what to do next for my journey.

I also need to listen to the sermon from last week, that will get me back into the book of Nehemiah. That is where my focus needs to be.

I also want to make it clear that God can give us our heart's desires and if that meant a life where money didn't matter, ie: I was a millionaire; then He could do that. I just need to take things one step at a time and not have my head so far in the clouds that I can't walk on the ground. It just works out better for my personality.

Ok, so I need to get back to focusing on Him, where He is leading Albert and I, and what to do next.

Oh, and this is all right before Rodeo starts up, so there is no telling what frame of mind I will be in over the next couple of weeks - lol - I love the rodeo - I love the cows and horses - all the events. Going on Saturday (tomorrow) to watch bull riding! The fun begins!

Wonder what part the Rodeo will play in my journey! Looking forward to see what God does next!

Stacy