Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Ups and Downs/Highs and Lows

A lot emotionally has happened to me since my last post. My Ferrier (a person who shoes and trims horse hooves) came out last Friday, it was time for the girls to have their mannies and peddies - lol.

We were talking about horses, how I want to have a business or do something with horses, that sort of thing. Well, he has a lot of knowledge about horses and making a living off of horses and basically was saying, "you can't make any money off of horses". He is a realist. I was sharing about wanting to work with horses and kids as well, "you would have to have a HUGE insurance policy". Again, reality. So, another pitch, "I would like to rescue horses" - I am trying every angle here! "Once you start rescuing horses, everyone will know that you do that and you will end up having too many horses and they will need to be rescued". Stinking drought, hay prices, feed prices, trying to make money off of horses when people are just turning horses loose on the streets.

People can't make ends meet and with so many horses out there it is hard to do anything with them at this time. So the words rolling around in my head are, "Can't he just see I want to do something with horses???"

Ok, so reality in my face. In talking with Albert about this, him being a realist as well, he is agreeing with the Ferrier. So, emotion city happens. "It's not fair, I want to have a dream, why can't I just do something that I finally want to do in life." You know, my own little pity party was happening.

It's like as a woman you raise your children, you keep your household going, you contribute to the family, your marriage, all these things, but when is it that I just get to have a dream and have the freedom to live out my dream. See, I told you, a nice pity party was full on happening!

Ok, so as my pit party is keeping me emotional throughout the weekend, we go to church on Sunday. Ah, my Pastor, what does he have to say about dreams and goals and such? In the book of Nehemiah we see the vision, God's vision. A wall that had been destroyed and not fixed for over 90 years and God has Nehemiah go and fix it - in 52 days the wall is rebuilt - he had this dream - people told him it couldn't be done and yet - God through Nehemiah did it!

Ah, the dream can come back now. Not that I ignore reality, but I can see through the fog and get back to my dream, my journey.

One thing that Pastor Sal said that I just kept running through my head was, "when we are faithful with the little things, then we will be rewarded with bigger things". Well, that is true, look at Nehemiah, he went from the King's cup bearer to the Governor with a new rebuilt wall and everything.

So yesterday driving into work it hits me (well, God hit me upside the head). I am not my own, I was bought with a price, I have no rights. Lay down your rights - yes, Lord. Seek me - yes, Lord. You said you wanted a year to figure out what the rest of your life is going to look like and it is only the end of March - yes, Lord.

So as reality meets dreaming here is what I have come up with - nothing is impossible with God! He owns a 1000 cattle on the hill! If I am faithful with what He has given to me now, there is no telling what the rest of the year will look like. Why am I focusing on the negative and not the blessings He has already given me?

He will either redirect my heart and my dream or He will bring it to completion!

Me, I am a dreamer. I live in a world of reality that I have to deal with, but I know God's ways are not always man's ways.

So once again, I am on my journey to see what this year will bring. I am done with my pity party (at least this one - lol) and will continue on - to fight the good fight - to be faithful with what He has given to me - to continue on this journey until He shows me something different.

Oh, and my foot is still swollen, can only wear one pair of shoes right now. It is also a pretty color of purple and pink. :) It's all good!

Thank you for being on this journey with me and for allowing me to share my ups and downs and highs and lows. Stacy